The Old Group Photo
One of the joys of guiding, especially 8th-grade school groups, is the apparently mandatory group photos taken in front of Washington attractions, both major and minor.
The phrase “herding cats” doesn’t even approach the task of attracting the attention of 50 kids to have them form in some mass likely to result in a viewable image.
I have yet to grasp the 8th-grade cognitive process.
It took me awhile to understand that you can have direct eye contact with them, their heads nodding earnestly, yet they are not hearing a single word you are saying.
The White House? Clear the Way!
In our selfie-obsessed culture the assumption exists, no matter the venue, that all will stand clear while you arrange and execute the perfect pic.
Not.
Of course, the best example is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue where hordes are arriving and departing, all jockeying for about 50 linear feet of sidewalk with the mansion perfectly positioned as a background.
Many group tour itineraries actually list this as a “White House picture stop” as if the US Secret Service are going to clear the sidewalk for your big moment.
TIP: At the White House don’t go for the sidewalk. Pennsylvania Ave is closed to traffic and has a very pronounced crown. Have your folks stand on the crown and get your shot. Those behind them will be effectively hidden.
That will be $50.
Just kidding.
And, everyone wants the shot on their phone, creating an even longer pose as a mass of devices are piled at the feet of the hapless photographer, half of which will need a password re-entry because of the time lag.
Enter the Parents
It’s usually at this point, when everyone insists on their own pic that I fail the number one guide rule called “patience with a smile, always” and ask if any of them have ever heard of this thing called Facebook?
They stare back, undeterred.
But, that’s not the half of it.
Most school groups have two or three teachers and two or three parent chaperones, and that’s it.
Photo taken, we move on.
Some groups arrive with a parent/student ratio of 50% or more triggering the “Briana Effect” where every Jake and Joshua, Buffy and Brittany must have their own personal portrait, as well.
After consulting with my therapist, I have spent countless hours at home in front of the mirror practicing a fake smile while I repeat over and over, “No, really, take your time.”
It seems to work in the field though I now grind my teeth at night.
My New Hero: The Duke of Edinburgh
So there’s crusty, 94-year-old Prince Philip yesterday stuck in an interminable photo session at the RAF club for the 75th anniversary celebration of the Battle of Britain.
He may be sleeping with the Queen but he still speaks his mind.
Sitting bedecked with medals, surrounded by his fellow royals and clearly exasperated by the whole thing he said:
“Just Take the Fucking Picture”
Philip, you are my kind of guy.